I have been a bit negligent in maintaining this site, although I had anticipated it due to the big move and the starting of the Ph.D.
Unfortunately, that did not start well. It was a bit stressful to move and to take care of myself all alone. I also took on more course work than I think I could handle. I realized I was in trouble and sought help and sought to compensate, but my symptoms started reappearing.
What was most alarming was that I was at a weekend getaway with my closest friends and I had a breach with reality. It’s a hard thing to explain. Everything starts having a dream-like quality and I started wondering if my friends were even real. There’s also this surreal feeling that you are looking down upon yourself, almost as if you were outside reality along another dimension looking at yourself while at the same time processing what your eyes were seeing.
I’ve probably failed to explain that. Oh well.
The good news is that the mechanisms I put in place worked and I was able to go to my doctor change my medication. The not exactly bad is that my Ph.D. is now delayed. There is a part of me that doesn’t want to do it now, but part of that is fed with my frustration of going through an unpleasant time combined with a wariness of putting myself through that for several years.
I know, it isn’t the end of the world. The important thing is that I am safe, am recovering and will try again. If you don’t try and learn from your experiences, what point is there in having them? Right now, the drugs are making me quite sleepy and I am not up to much in the Canadian winter. I hope that the rest will do me good (I wasn’t sleeping well in Toronto) and that I can continue down a new exciting path soon.