A positive attitude

Having a positive outlook on life is an important life skill for any person, not just ones who happen to have paranoid schizophrenia. In that case though, it is essential.

You need to be motivated to beat this illness. Some of that motivation can come from knowing where you have come from. The bad places that you have been, they haunt your dreams. You, sometimes desperately, never want to return there.

It is lonely. It is dark. It is painful. And those words can never do it any justice.

However, fear and yes desperation, while powerful motivators, are destructive in large dosages. One needs positive motivation, coming from a positive attitude.

That for me is one of the hardest things I have to do.

You get tired having to fight all the time. My relapse came about partially because I had to deal with a lot of things that I shouldn’t have had to deal with and I just got tired. Tired of dealing with everything, including my mental illness.

My biggest fear is that I am almost good enough to realize my dreams. For all my talents, I have an illness which has to be carefully managed at all times. I sometimes wonder if I have enough strength to manage my illness and achieve my dreams. It’s hard because the illness has in the past interfered with those dreams and makes setting goals harder.

One important secret this universe has though, is that we all have the power to choose how we look at things and to a certain extent choose how we react to things. And one thing that has been abundantly clear since my relapse is that I need to choose positivity but with a healthy dose of realism.

Now this doesn’t mean my natural cynicism and caution goes away, but it does mean that I am going to hope for a brighter future, even if the present is dreary. And also remember that the present isn’t always dreary, like today. (OK it’s cloudy right now, but it will be 16 ° C this afternoon and sunny… in the middle of March in Ontario).

The thing I have to absolutely remember that how I look at the bad things that happen to me is much more important that those things. Glasses half empty vs. half full and the like. I also have to remember the good things that I have, and express hopefully a proper gratitude for those things and people in my life which have made it such a rich experience.

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About Neil

I happen to have paranoid schizophrenia. But that is only a small part of who I am. I define me, not my illness. I always try and choose hope and choose to be a better person, though like all people, I have more than a few failures. Some have been rather spectacular.
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